Were That We Never to Again See the Sun Let the Fimbulwinter Come

Fimbulvetr

Summary: You visit Loki in his prison cell because absolutely nothing can keep you from seeking out your best friend's company when you need it the most.

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,2k

Content Warnings: All Aboard The Angst Train, Mentions Of Substance Abuse, Mentions Of Depression, Mentions Of Past Self-Harming Behaviour, Mentions Of Blood, 18+!

A/N: Honestly, I don't really know what this is. After weeks of not writing, but somehow forcing myself to this is the first thing that came from deep within again.

And for the title: In Norse mythology Fimbulvetr is one of the four signs that Ragnarök is about to come. It's also called Fimbulwinter, meaning "The Great Winter".

Feel free to check my Masterlist! 🌺💕

Tagging if interested : @wayward-blonde @omgkatinka @demotalias @labella420 @connieisland @sixball

The Asgardian dungeons were a place that was hardly ever spoken about. People knew that it was there, containing one prison cell next to the other, but why talk about negative matters like imprisonment, right, wrong or godforbid the individuals that were rotting away down there when you could just dull your senses with the finest Asgardian wine, right?

As the sarcastic smile slowly faded from your face you tossed the now empty glass out of your hand just to watch it shatter into a hundred shimmering shards all across the stone floor. The sun was setting and illuminated each and every splinter into a glittery carpet that could just as well have been made out of fallen stars. Vivid colours danced across the warm tiles of the balcony on which you had sought a place to simply hide away and get drunk once more.

To your growing displeasure you had to face the fact that even the strongest mead lost its effect on you over the weeks you had oh so willingly indulged in it. At first you had wanted to downright drown yourself and all your senses in the golden liquid, but as soon as you reached a pleasant stage of serenity you wanted to keep yourself right there. Just the right amount of forgetfulness to get you through the day without causing too much attention. Just enough to render you numb to the pain that was raging within, to the hurt that spread so broad it swallowed every ray of sunlight and to the agony that you found yourself in absolutely no place to do anything against these feelings. Your very own silver lining had been taken from you.

Sure, not only the people of Asgard had every reason to do so, but right now you were far too egoistic and the burning sensation of all-consuming rage had turned you oblivious to rational reasoning to settle with that. One of the many things Loki and you had in common. Strong emotions no one else seemed to understand quite the way you wanted them - needed - them to.

That was until the day you met each other far back in time as the both of you were carefree children that spent their days chasing birds, building little wooden boats or occasionally being an utter pain in the ass for Heimdal, bombarding him with questions about everything and anything to quench the constant thirst your curiosity left you with.

So many years back in time you crashed into one another as you were hiding from the very same someone: Thor. You never got a hang on why he was so popular amongst your peers and for reasons you just couldn't grasp he, this already tall and bright blond boy, took a liking in you, trying to befriend you over and over no matter how clearly you communicated that you carried not the smallest spark of interest in spending time with him.

You had hid in your favourite place, a small cave concealed amongst tall trees and shrubbery. As far as you were concerned it was your secret hideout shelter, your safe place and it would've stayed that way if it wasn't for a gawky, black-haired boy who stumbled into it just minutes after you had made yourself comfortable.

"Excuse me?!" It had spilled from your lips faster than intended.

The boy turned towards you, his shimmering blue eyes wide open, almost as if caught right in the act.

"Yeah, excuse you!" He spat back, his thick and untamed brows arching into a frown.

With a furious "Shhh!" you shushed him, almost tempted to throw your book after the intruder.

"What are you doing in here?" He hissed, his voice lowered to an agitated whisper.

"I could ask you just the same. This is my hideout!", you mumbled in return, narrowing your eyes at the boy "I'm hiding from Thor. He's annoying."

To your surprise a wide grin formed on his face.

Back then you hadn't even had the tiniest inkling that you'd find yourself missing this shit-eating grin and now the memory of it knocked the air out of your lungs, rendering every part of you hollow.

"What's so funny about that, huh?"

"Just glad to see that I'm not the only one running from my brother. He can be quite a handful."

"Your...brother? You're Loki!" You brabbled his name as if you'd only heard it in distant tales of Thor's brother, but upon closer inspection you remembered that you had seen him on some occasions, but never really took notice.

"The one and only." He returned, his grin growing even more.

With your mouth dry and your body aching you rose yourself from the stone tiles and looked at the sea of glass shards in front of you. You could just walk right through it, letting them drill into your bare feet and for a moment you entertained that thought. Maybe the pain would make everything else fade for a little while, maybe the emotional dread would finally ooze out of dozens of small, but for sure agonizingly painful cuts. You felt tempted to do it all over again since this very urge wasn't exactly something new to you, but as your eyes were transfixed by the last bits of sunlight that got reflected you remembered yourself of the inevitable aftermath, the pressing guilt, the unhinged self-hatred and above all the shame that you couldn't keep it together once more. No, none of that would help anyone, not you, not the situation and not your terribly bottled up whirlwind of emotions.

In a rough motion you ripped your gaze from the broken glass and sighed. Whenever you didn't know how to carry on you turned to your best friend and although you knew that it would probably hurt as bad as nothing ever before had, you gave in to the urge to go down there and visit him.

A jolt of embarrassment crushed through you as the realisation dawned on you that you had been too busy drowning yourself in alcohol and self-pity than visiting the only one close to you, the only one you called friend. White hot tears were prickling in your eyes already, but you pushed them back with the little strength you had left, stumbled around the pool of shards and forced your unwilling body to move.

After the guards made sure that you carried no weaponry and let you pass, your shaking legs almost failed to guide you down the steps into the dungeons. The stairs seemed nearly endless and every next step felt heavier than the one before. By the time you arrived at the end, your stomach was twisting in every direction possible whilst your skin appeared to be entirely stripped from its warmth. Not even your thick woolen cloak was able to stop you from shivering. Nonetheless, you carried on, determined to confront what was eating at you for so long now.

In small steps you approached the cell and stopped right in front of its outlines. The unease within you grew as you looked at the man in front of you. If it was really him, he would've noticed you long ago, but right now he didn't even bat an eye.

To both sides the cell blocks were aligned one after the other in a seemingly never ending row. Creatures of all shapes and sizes pacing through the small spaces, barely even taking notice of your presence. Occasionally you'd carefully throw a glance left and right to see if he was somewhere in there, but you had to trot down the path for at least a handful of minutes until every muscle within tensed and you freezed in your movement. There he sat. Your best friend. Loki.

Like nothing ever happened he lounged behind the almost invisible barrier and scrolled through a book. He appeared unbothered and indifferent up to a degreed that wasn't comprehensible to you.

In a stoic motion Loki kept on turning pages and you almost felt too afraid to utter the smallest of sounds.

"L-Loki?" His name left your lips as but a murmur.

Nothing happened. Not a single twitch or motion in his face indicated that he heard you.

Everything within felt ready to turn on your heel and leave this place again, but something felt odd enough for you to try again.

"Loki!" You repeated with a voice more stern and demanding.

At first no change was to be seen, but then you noticed a tremble in his hand as he was about to flick another page. His composure halted for a mere second until it continued in its superficially flawless movements.

At that a heavy sight fell from your lips. The realization dawned on you that Loki was putting up an act and it hurt that he felt the need to keep it upright even in front of you.

The stinging pain struck you so hard that it turned into a small fit of rage which led you to raise a fist and hammer it into the almost translucent wall of Asgardian magic that separated you from your silver lining. Your clenched hand hit the barrier with such force that small fractals of orange splintered from it and vanished into nothingness.

"Loki!" Now you cried his name in utter desperation, "I'm sorry… I know, I should've come earl-"

Your breath faltered as the picture in front of you started to dissolve. The Loki sitting in front of you disappeared and instead an entirely destroyed cell was revealed. Furniture laid broken and torn all across the floor, the walls were smeared with dried blood and your best friend sat at the far end of his prison. His black hair dishevelled, clothes torn and a cynical smile playing around his chapped lips.

Your jaw dropped agape at the sight in front of you. Although you already got the hint that nothing really was as it appeared you certainly didn't expect this.

"Hello…" Loki uttered, his voice brittle and lacking his signature mischievous spirit.

"Loki…." You repeated once again, your eyes rounding in baffled shock.

"The one and only…" Your best friend croaked, trying to get on his weak feet.

He was visibly troubled with standing straight let alone setting one foot in front of the other, yet he stumbled towards the barrier where you were watching his every movement in growing distress.

The momentum of his own motion dragged him so far that he wasn't able to stop properly but instead bumped into the wall with his forehead first, almost as if he was drunk. You certainly knew that he wasn't, but deep down you wished for him to be just that. It would've been easier that way than to acknowledge that Loki was torn to pieces, exhausted and stripped from any driving force.

"I...I am sorry…." The words just poured from your lips as the same white hot tears you had tried so hard to suppress eventually found their way to the surface.

They ran from your eyes in burning streams, slithered across your cheeks, that were reddened by weeks of constant alcohol abuse, and eventually dropped from your trembling chin.

Instead you placed your own forehead onto the barrier, right where his was resting still.

"You don't need to be, dear.", Loki reciprocated, his own voice laced with an equally close to breaking tremble "All that matters is that you are here right now.."

You wanted to say something, but every word appeared to be stuck in your dry throat. You felt the dire need to give him at least some kind of verbal comfort or encouragement, but nothing but helpless sobbing was willing to emerge from your lungs.

Although you couldn't feel his warmth you knew that Loki was there with you.

"I miss you…" You croaked and it felt as if these three words turned all your insides out.

"I miss you, too." He answered, his eyes catching yours.

They were bloodshot and dull. Tired.

Seeing him like that broke you like nothing else before and once again you started to punch the barrier with your fist. Over and over, knowing that it wouldn't do anything but the pain emitting from it may drown the dread you felt seeing your ray of sunlight like that.

"Stop..!", Loki huffed, already out of breath, "Please."

You nodded, your vision blurred by tear-soaked lashes.

Letting your first crush against the shimmering wall of orange sparks one last time you bit your trembling lower lip, not breaking from his gaze.

"Listen to me, okay?" Loki croaked.

"This might be a very long and uncomfortable Winter, but we both know what comes after that, right?"

sandstromcovir1963.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.tumbip.com/tag/fimbulwinter